What to do about lying

A primary rule for parents when dealing with lying is don't badger or corner children! Imagine you give a child the third degree about whether or not he has homework. He denies it six times and finally, after your seventh question, he admits that he has some. What has happened? By this time, of course, you are furious. More important, however, you also have given your child six times to practice lying! You may think to yourself, "Sooner or later he'll realize he can't fool me and he'll give up." Wrong. Many children will continue to take the easy way out: they will simply attempt to become better liars.

Either You Know the Truth or You Don’t
Look at it this way: you either know the truth or you don't. If you don't know what is going on, ask once and don't badger. It's a good idea here not to ask "impulsively”. Many kids simply respond back impulsively. They lie, but their real desire is just to end the conversation, get rid of you, and stay out of trouble
If you are going to ask, you might say something like, "I want you to tell me the story of what happened, but not right now. Think about it a while and we'll talk in fifteen minutes." If he tells you the story and you find out later that the child lied, punish him for whatever the offense was as well as for the lie. No lectures or tantrums. Deal with the problem and try to fix things—as much as you can—so that lying does not seem necessary to the child.
If you do know what has happened, tell him what you know and deal with it. If he has done something wrong that you know about, simply punish him reasonably for that and end the conversation with, "I'm sure you'll do better next time."

Keep Your Perspective
Some parents still prefer to ask a child what happened—even when they already know what it was. This is OK if you do it right. You should say something like, "I got a call from the school today about an incident at lunch. I'm going to ask you to tell me the story, but not right now. I want you to think about it for a while, and then when you're ready you can tell me, but remember I already pretty much know what happened."
Lying is not good, but it certainly isn't the end of the world either. It happens from time to time. It doesn't mean that your kids don't love you or that they are bound to grow up to become professional criminals. Over the years, however, frequent emotional overreactions on your part—combined with badgering and cornering—can produce an Accomplished Liar.

Quick Tip:

Being a Good Listener Kids can sometimes surprise you with the comments they make. Before jumping in with advice or discipline, sometimes it's more important to listen first. For starters, get yourself in the proper frame of mind: "I'm going to hear this kid out—even if it kills me—and find out exactly what he thinks and feels about what's going on." Next, several different things can be done. These include openers, nonjudgmental questions, reflecting feelings and perception checks. Sympathetic listening is an attitude. Your attitude, not your child's. It's the attitude of sincerely trying to figure out what someone else is thinking even if you don't agree. It's also a great self-esteem builder and you'll find if you listen well you can learn a lot about what your children think about life! 

Homework Hassles

 Quick Tip: Checking Homework

" Every time your child brings you some homework to check, the first thing you say must be positive, even if it’s only the fact that he brought the work to you. Kids will never want to bring you anything if your first response is consistently to shoot from the hip with criticism"  Dr Thomas Phelan, creator of 1-2-3 Magic

Homework hassles can make school nights miserable for the whole family. For some families homework battles can go on for two, three or four hours per night. People begin to dread the evening, relationships are strained severely and the child in question learns to hate schoolwork more and more. There are no easy answers to the problem; children’s needs vary depending upon their intelligence and the presence of handicaps such as learning disabilities and ADHD. There are ways though, of making things more tolerable and more productive.

 WHAT NOT TO DO

 Don’t go around asking the child every five minutes if he has homework or if he’s started it yet. Instead try to pick the best time to start and stick with it—consistency is very important here.

 Don’t interrupt the youngster in the middle of his favorite TV show to tell him it’s time to begin. There’s no better way to get no cooperation. He should not start watching a show in the first place if it’s going to overlap with his regular homework time

 Don’t let the would-be student do work with the TV on. Believe it or not, a radio or iPod may be OK because it provides consistent background noise, but the television is always out to get your attention.

 If you can avoid it, don’t let the homework time change each day. One of the best ways of setting things up is to have the child come home, get a snack, goof off for about 30-45 minutes, and then sit down and try to finish his work before dinner. Then the whole evening is free.

 WHAT TO DO

 Consider trying the following steps in order (you can combine them as you go), and be sure to use plenty of positive reinforcement with whatever else you are doing.

 1. Natural Consequences If you are having trouble with homework for the first time—say with a fourth grader—consider using Natural Consequences first. That means do nothing. Keep your mouth shut and see if the child and the teacher can work things out. If this approach doesn’t seem to be working after a few weeks, then go on to the next step. (Natural Consequences is obviously not the method to use if you have been having homework problems for years and years.)

 2. An Assignment Sheet Assignment sheets or notebooks can be extremely helpful. They tell you exactly what work is due for each subject. Many schools now have web sites where forgetful but fortunate kids access their homework assignments online. The idea of the assignment sheet, of course, is that after the child does the work, parents can check it out against the list of items to be done. If this is the procedure you are considering, you must routinely include two basic principles: the “PNP (Positive Negative Positive) Method” and the “Rough Checkout.” Failure to do so will result in unnecessary misery.

 Next post:: Homework Do’s and Don’ts – Part II

10 Steps to Stop and Prevent Bullying

Download Bully Free Public Service Announcements
Whether you are a parent, an educator, or a concerned friend of the family, there are ten steps you can take to stop and prevent bullying:

1. Pay attention. There are many warning signs that may point to a bullying problem, such as unexplained injuries, lost or destroyed personal items, changes in eating habits, and avoidance of school or other social situations. However, every student may not exhibit warning signs, or may go to great lengths to hide it. This is where paying attention is most valuable. Engage students on a daily basis and ask open-ended questions that encourage conversation.
2. Don’t ignore it. Never assume that a situation is harmless teasing. Different students have different levels of coping; what may be considered teasing to one may be humiliating and devastating to another. Whenever a student feels threatened in any way, take it seriously, and assure the student that you are there for them and will help.
3. When you see something – do something. Intervene as soon as you even think there may be a problem between students. Don’t brush it off as “kids are just being kids. They’ll get over it.” Some never do, and it affects them for a lifetime. All questionable behavior should be addressed immediately to keep a situation from escalating. Summon other adults if you deem the situation may get out of hand. Be sure to always refer to your school’s anti-bullying policy.
4. Remain calm. When you intervene, refuse to argue with either student. Model the respectful behavior you expect from the students. First make sure everyone is safe and that no one needs immediate medical attention. Reassure the students involved, as well as the bystanders. Explain to them what needs to happen next – bystanders go on to their expected destination while the students involved should be taken separately to a safe place.
5. Deal with students individually. Don’t attempt to sort out the facts while everyone is present, don’t allow the students involved to talk with one another, and don’t ask bystanders to tell what they saw in front of others. Instead, talk with the individuals involved – including bystanders – on a one-on-one basis. This way, everyone will be able to tell their side of the story without worrying about what others may think or say.
6. Don’t make the students involved apologize and/or shake hands on the spot. Label the behavior as bullying. Explain that you take this type of behavior very seriously and that you plan to get to the bottom of it before you determine what should be done next and any resulting consequences based on your school’s anti-bullying policy. This empowers the bullied child – and the bystanders – to feel that someone will finally listen to their concerns and be fair about outcomes.
7. Hold bystanders accountable. Bystanders provide bullies an audience, and often actually encourage bullying. Explain that this type of behavior is wrong, will not be tolerated, and that they also have a right and a responsibility to stop bullying. Identify yourself as a caring adult that they can always approach if they are being bullied and/or see or suspect bullying.
8. Listen and don’t pre-judge. It is very possible that the person you suspect to be the bully may actually be a bullied student retaliating or a “bully’s” cry for help. It may also be the result of an undiagnosed medical, emotional or psychological issue. Rather than make any assumptions, listen to each child with an open mind.
9. Get appropriate professional help. Be careful not to give any advice beyond your level of expertise. Rather than make any assumptions, if you deem there are any underlying and/or unsolved issues, refer the student to a nurse, counselor, school psychologist, social worker, or other appropriate professional.
10. Become trained to handle bullying situations. If you work with students in any capacity, it is important to learn the proper ways to address bullying. Visit www.nea.org/bullyfree for information and resources. You can also take the pledge to stop bullying, as well as learn how to create a Bully Free program in your school and/or community.

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Empathy: The Most Important Back-to-School Supply | Edutopia

Empathy: The Most Important Back-to-School Supply | Edutopia

Some thoughts on Parenting.....

7 Habits of Highly Effective Parents

A quick caveat: no parenting strategy is a guarantee of success nor will it yield immediate results. The key is to build habits – habits in the way we interact and communicate with our children, habits in the way we think about our role as parents, habits in the ways we solve problems, etc. These habits are what ultimately makes the parent-child dynamic a constructive and effective one. 
1. Understand your Goals and Priorities
Be clear on your goals and priorities and then choose your battles. Be prepared to give in, to make compromises or changes when the issue at hand is more important for your child than it is for you. This need not undermine your authority as long as those compromises don’t impact your goals and priorities.
2. Set up House Rules
Take the time to set up House Rules and explain them to your children. Give everyone a chance to collaborate on this process (including opportunities for disagreements) and to contribute to the rules that will govern everyone under the roof.
3. Practice Effective Negotiation Techniques
Teach your child how to be an effective negotiator. It sounds counterproductive but it isn’t. By teaching your child how to negotiate, you’re actually empowering her to make better decisions, be less argumentative, and to participate in productive problem-solving – all of which will make your job as a parent much easier in the long-run.
4. Practice Listening and Talking
When your child talks, listen. When she asks questions, listen. When she has concerns, listen. When she expresses emotions, listen.
Children rarely have the words they need to actually convey what they need to say. That means that those important nuggets of information are often buried in babble and queries and worries and tears. Listen so that you can help them identify what really matters… then talk to them.
Talk when there is a conflict, talk when there isn’t. Talk when there is a concern (yours or theirs). Talk them through a problem or something they don’t understand, talk them through your own problem-solving process.
Be open and honest and forthright with information and your children will respond in kind.
5. Think about the Cause and Effect of your Actions
So often, we are simply reacting to the unpredictability and unexpected nature of the things that come our way as parents. However, it is important to keep in mind that our actions will impact our children and, to the extent that we can, we should do our best to limit the unintended effects of our actions.
That requires that we practice taking a moment to think about the reasons behind the things we do or say and how they may be received by our children.
6. Think Win/Win
You may be the parent but your child is nevertheless an independent entity that is trying to find the best way to live her life. Design strategies that aren’t just in your favor but actually create an optimal situation for your child as well.
7. Customize your Parenting
Read up on different parenting techniques, talk to your friends and family, experiment with different strategies… and then do what you think is best. There are many different ways of handling this complicated task of being parents. However, each situation is unique and not all strategies, tips and advice will work for you. Become informed and then customize your parenting.

Empathy starts at home

Understanding How Children Develop Empathy

By PERRI KLASS, M.D.

The mother was trying to hold the baby still, and I was pulling gently on the ear, angling for a better look at the infant's eardrum. The wriggling baby didn't like any of it, and her whimpering quickly turned to full-fledged wails.
Suddenly the baby's 3-year-old brother, an innocent bystander in no danger of having his own ears examined, began to wail as well, creating the kind of harmonic cacophony that makes passers-by wince in recognition. And the poor mother, her hands full, could only look over and reassure him: Your sister is O.K., don't worry, don't feel bad.
But really, was that why the 3-year-old was crying? Was he tired and frustrated, scared by the noise, jealous of his mother's attention? Or was he, in fact, upset because his sister was upset - an early step toward empathy, sympathy, kindness and charity?
The capacity to notice the distress of others, and to be moved by it, can be a critical component of what is called prosocial behavior, actions that benefit others: individuals, groups or society as a whole. Psychologists, neurobiologists and even economists are increasingly interested in the overarching question of how and why we become our better selves.
How do children develop prosocial behavior, and is there in fact any way to encourage it? If you do, will you eventually get altruistic adults, the sort who buy shoes for a homeless man on a freezing night, or rush to lift a commuter pushed onto the subway tracks as the train nears?
Nancy Eisenberg, a professor of psychology at Arizona State University, is an expert on the development in children of prosocial behavior, "voluntary behavior intended to benefit another." Such behavior is often examined through the child's ability to perceive and react to someone else's distress. Attempts at concern and reassurance can be seen in children as young as 1.
Dr. Eisenberg draws a distinction between empathy and sympathy: "Empathy, at least the way I break it out, is experiencing the same emotion or highly similar emotion to what the other person is feeling," she said. "Sympathy is feeling concern or sorrow for the other person." While that may be based in part on empathy, she said, or on memory, "it's not feeling the same emotion."
By itself, intense empathy - really feeling someone else's pain - can backfire, causing so much personal distress that the end result is a desire to avoid the source of the pain, researchers have found. The ingredients of prosocial behavior, from kindness to philanthropy, are more complex and varied.
They include the ability to perceive others' distress, the sense of self that helps sort out your own identity and feelings, the regulatory skills that prevent distress so severe it turns to aversion, and the cognitive and emotional understanding of the value of helping.
Twin studies have suggested that there is some genetic component to prosocial tendencies. When reacting to an adult who is pretending to be distressed, for example, identical twins behave more like each other than do fraternal twins. And as children grow up, these early manifestations of sympathy and empathy become part of complex decision-making and personal morality.
"There is some degree of heritability," said Carolyn Zahn-Waxler, a senior research scientist at the University of Wisconsin-Madison, who has done some of these twin studies. But she notes that the effect is small: "There is no gene for empathy, there is no gene for altruism. What's heritable may be some personality characteristics."
Scott Huettel, a professor of psychology and neuroscience at Duke, described two broad theories to explain prosocial behavior. One, he said, was essentially motivational: It feels good to help other people. Economists have also looked at the question of altruism, and have hypothesized about a "warm glow effect" to account for charitable giving.
Experimental studies have shown that the same brain region that is activated when people win money for themselves is active when they give to charity - that is, that there is a kind of neurologic "reward" built into the motivational system of the brain.
"Charitable giving can activate the same pleasure-reward centers, the dopaminergic centers, in the brain that are very closely tied to habit formation," said Bill Harbaugh, an economist at the University of Oregon who studies altruism. "This suggests it might be possible to foster the same sorts of habits for charitable giving you see with other sorts of habits."
The other theory of prosocial behavior, Dr. Huettel said, is based on social cognition - the recognition that other people have needs and goals. The two theories aren't mutually exclusive: Cognitive understanding accompanied by a motivational reward reinforces prosocial behavior.
But shaping prosocial behavior is a tricky business. For instance, certain financial incentives seem to deter prosocial impulses, a phenomenon called reward undermining, Dr. Huettel said.
Consider that in the United States, historically, blood donors could be paid, but not in Britain. And the British donated more blood. "When you give extrinsic motivations, they can supplant the intrinsic ones," he said.
What would the experts say about fostering prosocial behavior in children, from kindness on to charity?
Parental modeling is important, of course; sympathy and compassion should be part of children's experience long before they know the words.
"Explain how other people feel," Dr. Eisenberg said. "Reflect the child's feelings, but also point out, look, you hurt Johnny's feelings."
Don't offer material rewards for prosocial behavior, but do offer opportunities to do good - opportunities that the child will see as voluntary. And help children see themselves and frame their own behavior as generous, kind, helpful, as the mother in my exam room did.
Working with a child's temperament, taking advantage of an emerging sense of self and increasing cognitive understanding of the world and helped by the reward centers of the brain, parents can try to foster that warm glow and the worldview that goes with it. Empathy, sympathy, compassion, kindness and charity begin at home, and very early.

Reimagining Public Education, One Story at a Time — Whole Child Education

Reimagining Public Education, One Story at a Time — Whole Child Education

Inside recess....again?

Ward off cabin fever:  
*Opportunities for physical activity are definitely limited during these colder months.  While the following activities are not acceptable indoor recess choices, they may provide a great outlet at home for some much needed physical activity!  

Following are some ideas to promote physical activity indoors: 
(source: http://pvhs.org/documents/Foundation/Indoor%20Physical%20Activity%20Ideas%20for%20Kids.pdf)


"Activity helps children stay healthy and happy. These suggestions are useful during extended
rain and snow periods when outdoor play is not possible. Television watching and use of
computer or video games should be limited to 2 hours or less per day."

 Play “keep the balloon up”. Use one balloon per child or one balloon per small

group. The group may add additional balloons as they gain control and awareness.  

 Play "fitness with the leader." This is "follow the leader," using exercises.  

 Measure heart rates after various movements [hop, walk, jump, skip, etc.].  

 Build a fort

 Dance – There’s a number of ways to get kids shaking with music; karaoke, dance

videos or the freeze dance.   Have kids make up dances or share the latest popular or line dances.
 Play with a pet
 Hide and Go Seek
 Play Charades
 Send your kids (or join them!) on a scavenger hunt
 Hula hoop 
 Foam Ball Games - Use ‘nerf’‐like foam balls to play indoor sports.  Toss around a foam ball, play catch bouncing it of a wall or play basketball with a mini hoop, play hockey on your knees with mini indoor goals and sticks (often called shinny hockey)
 Jump Rope
 Introduce activity breaks during commercial breaks any time your child watches TV
so they don’t remain completely sedentary.  

Follow this link for some outdoor winter activity ideas as well! http://kidshealth.org/parent/nutrition_center/staying_fit/wintersports.html#cat20740

As always, thanks for  supporting the positive behavior expectations at Elizabeth Ide School!  Stay tuned for information regarding an upcoming community service project!  
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UPCOMING PARENTING WORKSHOP OPPORTUNITY:

Follow link below for information regarding the 16th annual Parent University workshops coming up on February 2nd at Lyons Township High School in Western Springs.   

http://www.parentcommunitynetwork.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/Final-Final-PU-brochure2013-5.pdf

Here's to Friendship!

I'm at about the half way point of my Grateful on Purpose blog experiment. While the actual blogging about gratefulness has elluded me a couple times due to a busy schedule and an available moment to sit and post, the thinking about gratitude more regularly is starting to become second nature, which I guess is the point. It's like training a new muscle, it takes time, committment, patience....and then it's the new normal. But you have to keep being intentional about this gratitude lense, just like working a muscle. If you don't committ to the process, being conscious of looking for the good in your life/day,  it's a potentially fleeting state of mind.

For the past ten years, from mid-October to mid-November my weekends have generally been marked by massive amounts of leave raking. I'm not talking about an hour or two both days of the weekend either, I'm talking about major committments of time, energy and perserverence. I have serious, serious  trees and thus a serious amount of leaves to rake. Even though I thought I was keeping up on it and tackling it methodically, the amount of leaves still in my yard this morning, and now wet, was mind boggling. Added to that angst, the last street pick up of the leaves is this week. We never know what day for sure but it's this week. Well,  low and behold my friend Bob came over today with his industrial blower, his wheel barrel and some rakes and literally finished the job! It was no small job and it was cold out. I feel blessed with some really great friends but today I am feeling particularly grateful for Bob. Fall leaves 2012... done! Ahhh, big sigh of relief. Thank you Bob!

Warm and Dry

Sometimes I find the thing I'm most grateful for on a particular day is really pretty simple. Today, I am so grateful that I sold my Bears tickets and opted to watch the game from the comfort of my living room. The game itself was disappointing enough but the weather today, oh my! Talk about a blustery day! The temperatures dropped, then the rain came. It looked miserable to be there. My couch was clearly the place for me to be tonight. I'm just so grateful I knew that. 

Teaching Gratitude

30 ways to teach children about gratitude and kindness

by Debra Dane on March 13, 2012

in Gratitude and Changing Mindset, Parenting and family life

Last year I discovered the power gratitude could have in my life – it all began with exploring an attitude of gratitude and then extended further into my actions. I had always cultivated a spirit of gratitude and kindness in my children from a young age, but have been working on being more intentional and moving more towards more community acts we can take on this year now they are 7 and 8 years old.

Teach our children to focus on the positive and find gratitude

• Create a gratitude journal – older children can write on their own / photograph things they are grateful for and younger ones can be part of a family journal
• Reflect together on the best parts of their day – doing this regularly can help them pause and find the good in their days
• When they are seeking new things out of boredom or wanting to be like their friends look at all they already have (if they have genuinely grown out of / lost interest in their books and toys see “service” ideas below for donating and passing on things)

Celebrate big and small

• Teach and acknowledge that they are on a learning journey so they are kind to themselves as they begin new challenges – shift focus to steps they have taken rather than where they still need to get to
• Call grandparents and relatives / special people to share their progress
• Keep a journal, a chart or a keepsake method (like a jar you place notes in) they can refer back to and see all the great things they have done, positives in their life, wonderful experiences and memories

Be a family of service and explain why you are helping

• Volunteer formally in your community if kids are old enough (preschoolers and primary kids can often get involved in nature conservation or animal shelter assistance in many places)
• Volunteer informally amongst your local community

• help with chores or errands for an elderly neighbour
• help with gardening / mowing / pulling weeds
• cook food for a family in need or with a new baby
• pick up litter when you see it, especially common at local playgrounds

Be helpful and kind in your day to day life – at school, with friends, with neighbours

• hold doors open
• carry groceries
• return someone’s shopping trolley to the stand
• hold the elevator for someone you see rushing to catch it
• invite someone shy to join your group at recess / play break
• say thank you and wish your teacher a good weekend

Show appreciation for gifts and kindness you receive

• create thank you cards together
• teach your children how to receive gifts graciously even when they don’t like them
• thank someone for sharing food with you

Connect with the spirit of holidays

• At a time when many focus on things they want it is a great opportunity to shift the focus to thankfulness and giving (without having to deny our children fun and gifts)
• Participate in Operation Christmas Child -   You can take charge and organise one locally if it is needed or simply fill a shoebox or two. This is a great way for children to get involved as they can select the items.
• Select a gift together to place under one of the giving / wishing trees in your local shopping centre
• Collect donations of small books and toys and craft items for your local hospital – my girls and I started this 4 years ago and send out an email to all our friends each year and arrive at the hospital with upwards of four or five shopping bags filled to the brim. I explained to the kids that some children are sick or get hurt over the holidays and don’t even get to be at home. This way children waiting in the ER or staying as patients have small things to keep them occupied or cheered up. Last year one of our friends ended up in the ER suddenly with her daughter and she reported back how helpful it was to have something.
• Visit a nursing home and bring treats and small presents (like socks, handkerchief, soaps, flowers) and spend some time with people who may be without family at this time of year. Let your children (and their friends if possible) be surrogate grandchildren for an afternoon.
• Make it an annual ritual to clear out items no longer needed or wanted and donate them to charities and local schools and daycares or pass on to other families. My kids especially love knowing where their things are going.

Random acts of kindness

• You are never too young and no act of kindness is too small – you can sit down and brainstorm ideas as a family, explain how they can grab opportunities to be kind every day. If you need more inspiration check out the website random acts of kindness which has a wealth of resources.
• acknowledge small acts of kindness in your home – sharing, caring, taking turns, helping with chores
• talk about ways they can be kind at school
• set a goal to come up with (and actually do) a certain number of R.A.K.

 

Contentment Today

The sun is shining, and again I am reminded of how there is magic in the power of a beautiful sunny day. I am getting ready to hit the road for a mini road trip to visit my son Ryan at University of Iowa. I am grateful for this beautiful day outside to accompany me on my drive. It makes all the difference. I also grateful that Ryan sounds happy, happy I'm coming and happy and excited about his future. It changes from week to week, the fears and uncertainy he feels as he approaches graduation. But this day..... he sounds really good. It's a simple thing but it makes a mother smile.

Graciousness.....it matters

Technically I missed a day on the blog, but I'm not going to let it deter me from my mission. If it's rationalizing....so be it. Like many other American's, yesterday I was completely caught up in the vote, democracy at work. I have a point of view for sure but what I feel most grateful for today is the graciousness that was exhibited by all involved after the votes were in and the numbers were tabulated. Many of us are, or I should say most of us are so sick of the mudslinging that has become the norm during our elections. It seems as though we have lost our civility and anything is fair came to say in order to win. Both of the presidential canditates as well as senate race canditates and house seemed to show a new civility yesterday at the end of the day. There was no chant of a recount, no sore loosers, no over the top winners....it was a good day. . Will it last? Who knows, I certainly hope so, but today it gives me great hope. I am grateful for change in the political climate today, the goodwill and cooperative spirit that was so evident late last night.

Feeling Strong....

Ok, here we go to day five of my "Grateful on Purpose" campaign and I'm starting to scramble a little bit here. It's been a fine day, no major worries to speak of, just the chronic little ones we all have....like our kids happiness and their ability to make it in the world, the random  thoughts about a path not taken  or an opportunity missed. I needed to really stop for a moment today and take a breath and focus when I recognized how today I feel physically really good. My knee has worked itself out, my sinuses are clear again, my mood feels pretty good, especially since it's so gray outside. All in all.....I feel pretty lucky to be as healthy as I am, to feel as good as I do and to have no major health concerns. When you get to a certain age it seems the odds start to work against you.

My body has served me well. It has carried my two children, fought off illnesses, learned to jog at age 49, adapted to yoga at 50 and seems to be handling these hormonal changes as well as I could have expected. I am so grateful to have this strong, resilient healthy body. I'm so grateful to feel good today. Again this grateful campaign seems to  reminds me to focus on the simple things we take for granted because in the end....as it turns out....those simple things are the life of life.

Time Well Spent....

I'm already on day four of my  intentional gratitude blitz! I can honestly say I feel myself shifting a bit, feeling brighter I guess you could say,  as I spend a few moments each day reflecting on what's good in my life. Today was the annual Mother/Son Brunch for Naperville North and I am so happy I was able to attend  with my son Russell. Being the mother of a teenager is an often complicated ride with the occasional mixed bag of emotions. They are trying to seperate from us as they prepare to leave home, we are trying to let go but don't always fully trust that they don't need our input at every turn. Sometimes it all  doesn't come off as gracefully as we would like, on both sides.

But today was just an easy day.... to spend some time together, hang with friends, eat some good food, maybe win a raffle or two (we never win....), and enjoy each others company. I'm feeling grateful my son enjoys my company, that I enjoy his and that we take the time to  participate in simple things like this Mother/Son Brunch. It's been a good day. I love you Russell!

Here's to you Mom.....

Ok, it's day two of my gratitude challenge. Today I am grateful I get the pleasure of spending the day with my amazing mother! She has been the most influential person in my life in so many ways it's hard to even begin to name them all. Today though....it's just a fun day of wandering the South Loop Loft Walk together. We will put our mindbending existential conversations aside and just enjoy looking at cool lofts. She and I can vascilate betwwen deep, intense wonderings and then on to some sort of fluff more seamlessly than anyone I know. I love that about us! I am so grateful to have been blessed with this mother. I love you mom!

Ahh Yes, Sunshine....

Today I feel incredibly grateful for the sunshine. I am at times reminded, after several gray days in a row, how much the sunshine lifts my spirits. It puts a spring in my step. The sunshine reflecting off all the piles of gold and red leaves in my yard is a beautiful and nostalgic fall canvas. I'm glad I chose to have the eyes to see that beauty today.

Grateful on Purpose

I've decided to do something a little ambitious for the month of November. Every day of this month, I'm going to name one thing I truly appreciate and take the time to create a small blog post about it. Every day. (If you ever look at my site, you'll see this is a big commitment for me, as an only-occasional blogger.) But I want to force my focus onto gratitude, consistently and on purpose.

So this November, as Thanksgiving approaches, I'm going to open my eyes in a deliberate way to what is beautiful and good around me. When Thanksgiving Day arrives, I won't have to rummage around in my brain for something to share with family and friends at the table. I hope my heart will be so full of thanks that I might not need to say anything at all. I encourage parents to try this with your kids. Ambitious? Maybe, but give it a try anyway. What's the worst thing that can happen......?

So, without further adieu......

I am grateful for my beautiful and wise mother. She's over her horrible cold and feeling better! Yeah! My mother taught me and showed me the importance and fearlessness of searching deeper into one's self and listening to their heart and finding one's own true path. Without her gentle encouragement and validation I'm not sure I would have found myself in this profession....one that I love so much and feel privledged and born to do. So thank you mom, I love you!

Checking Homework

‐ PNP Method

PNP stands for “Positive

‐Negative‐Positive”.

Whenever a youngster brings any piece of

school work to you, the first thing out of

your mouth must be something positive—

some type of praise. You might for instance,

simply praise the child for remembering to

show you her work. After saying something

nice about the child’s effort, you may then

make a negative comment, if it’s absolutely

necessary. Finally, you conclude your

insightful remarks with something positive again.

This type of response will help bring her back again and again. Kids will never want

to bring you anything if you follow your natural human inclinations and shoot

from the hip with criticism.

Powerful Parenting: Building Relationships and instilling Confidence

As parents, you worry about the risks your children face and the choices they will have to make. But if you have a strong relationship with your children that is built on a foundation of trust and open communication, they are more likely to tell you about their problems and gain from your values.

If your children have confidence in themselves, they are more likely to handle situations assertively. If your children have self-management, relationship-building, and problem-solving skills, they are more likely to make safe and healthy choices. As a parent, you can help strengthen these areas of your children's lives.

 Love Them for Who They Are

Unconditional acceptance of your children not only builds a strong relationship with them, but encourages them to have confidence and trust in themselves. Separate who your children are (their being) from what they do (their behavior). Remember, behavior can always change. Help your children discover their interests and passions and encourage them to pursue their interests by providing opportunities and support. Spend time with your children. This helps build strong relationships and provides opportunities for you to teach and model essential skills. Use words, gestures, and touch frequently to let your children know that you love them.

Take time to have extended conversations with your children. Bedtimes, meals, and car rides are often good times. As often as possible, have family dinners where you can share news, discuss problems, and make plans. Research shows that children who have dinner with their families several times a week are less likely to smoke or use illegal drugs, have sex at young ages, and get into serious fights. Have frequent, brief playtimes with young children (5–10 minutes can make a difference). Allow your children to direct the play. Read together and talk about the characters' feelings, challenges, and solutions. Talk about your family's culture(s). This will help your children feel more strongly connected to their ethnic background and their culture's values and beliefs. Research shows that positive cultural identification can improve a child's self-esteem and protect against emotional problems.

Discipline and Guide

Positive guidance and discipline promote children's self-control, teach them responsibility, and help them learn to make thoughtful choices. Specialists suggest that inconsistent, harsh discipline that includes physical force, threats, and negative comments may interfere with healthy development. Here are some key components of positive discipline: Pay attention to what children do right. Children thrive on positive attention and are more likely to repeat a behavior if you notice it and comment on it. Use consistent, caring consequences for unacceptable behavior. The consequences should be reasonable, directly related to the misbehavior, and respectful of the child. Give the message that mistakes are a chance for learning. Offer choices whenever possible to provide practice in making decisions.

Get Involved in Schoolwork

When you are involved in your children's schooling, it gives the message that school is important and that you value this significant part of their lives. It also helps children achieve higher grades, finish more homework, and have better attendance, behavior, and attitudes. Here are some ways to be involved: Ask your children about their day. Use open-ended questions: "What was the most fun thing about school today?" Communicate frequently with your children's teachers about your children's progress and how to help them out at home. Be aware of your children’s homework. Set a time and place for them to do it. Be around to answer questions, but do not do the homework for them. Attend school activities as often as possible.

Teach Social Skills

Model and teach your children social-emotional skills. These are skills people use to deal with their feelings and dilemmas and to interact with others. Social-emotional skills include the following: Empathy, which is knowing one's own feelings and being able to recognize and respond sensitively to others' feelings. Emotion management, which is managing strong feelings such as anxiety, frustration, and anger before they become overwhelming. Problem solving and decision making, including conflict resolution.

Many of the parenting skills outlined here can help you model and teach social-emotional skills:

By listening to your children and respecting their feelings, you model and teach empathy.
By responding to misbehavior with caring, thoughtful, and consistent consequences, you model emotion management and problem solving.
By giving children choices, you give them opportunities to practice decision making. As you talk through plans and problems at dinner, you model and teach problem solving, decision making, and conflict resolution.
By reading with your child and talking about the stories, you provide opportunities to learn about empathy, emotion management, and problem solving.

As a parent you have power: power to influence, model, and listen, and power to connect with and love each of your children. By using your power in positive and thoughtful ways, you can provide a measure of protection for your children.