Powerful Parenting: Building Relationships and instilling Confidence

As parents, you worry about the risks your children face and the choices they will have to make. But if you have a strong relationship with your children that is built on a foundation of trust and open communication, they are more likely to tell you about their problems and gain from your values.

If your children have confidence in themselves, they are more likely to handle situations assertively. If your children have self-management, relationship-building, and problem-solving skills, they are more likely to make safe and healthy choices. As a parent, you can help strengthen these areas of your children's lives.

 Love Them for Who They Are

Unconditional acceptance of your children not only builds a strong relationship with them, but encourages them to have confidence and trust in themselves. Separate who your children are (their being) from what they do (their behavior). Remember, behavior can always change. Help your children discover their interests and passions and encourage them to pursue their interests by providing opportunities and support. Spend time with your children. This helps build strong relationships and provides opportunities for you to teach and model essential skills. Use words, gestures, and touch frequently to let your children know that you love them.

Take time to have extended conversations with your children. Bedtimes, meals, and car rides are often good times. As often as possible, have family dinners where you can share news, discuss problems, and make plans. Research shows that children who have dinner with their families several times a week are less likely to smoke or use illegal drugs, have sex at young ages, and get into serious fights. Have frequent, brief playtimes with young children (5–10 minutes can make a difference). Allow your children to direct the play. Read together and talk about the characters' feelings, challenges, and solutions. Talk about your family's culture(s). This will help your children feel more strongly connected to their ethnic background and their culture's values and beliefs. Research shows that positive cultural identification can improve a child's self-esteem and protect against emotional problems.

Discipline and Guide

Positive guidance and discipline promote children's self-control, teach them responsibility, and help them learn to make thoughtful choices. Specialists suggest that inconsistent, harsh discipline that includes physical force, threats, and negative comments may interfere with healthy development. Here are some key components of positive discipline: Pay attention to what children do right. Children thrive on positive attention and are more likely to repeat a behavior if you notice it and comment on it. Use consistent, caring consequences for unacceptable behavior. The consequences should be reasonable, directly related to the misbehavior, and respectful of the child. Give the message that mistakes are a chance for learning. Offer choices whenever possible to provide practice in making decisions.

Get Involved in Schoolwork

When you are involved in your children's schooling, it gives the message that school is important and that you value this significant part of their lives. It also helps children achieve higher grades, finish more homework, and have better attendance, behavior, and attitudes. Here are some ways to be involved: Ask your children about their day. Use open-ended questions: "What was the most fun thing about school today?" Communicate frequently with your children's teachers about your children's progress and how to help them out at home. Be aware of your children’s homework. Set a time and place for them to do it. Be around to answer questions, but do not do the homework for them. Attend school activities as often as possible.

Teach Social Skills

Model and teach your children social-emotional skills. These are skills people use to deal with their feelings and dilemmas and to interact with others. Social-emotional skills include the following: Empathy, which is knowing one's own feelings and being able to recognize and respond sensitively to others' feelings. Emotion management, which is managing strong feelings such as anxiety, frustration, and anger before they become overwhelming. Problem solving and decision making, including conflict resolution.

Many of the parenting skills outlined here can help you model and teach social-emotional skills:

By listening to your children and respecting their feelings, you model and teach empathy.
By responding to misbehavior with caring, thoughtful, and consistent consequences, you model emotion management and problem solving.
By giving children choices, you give them opportunities to practice decision making. As you talk through plans and problems at dinner, you model and teach problem solving, decision making, and conflict resolution.
By reading with your child and talking about the stories, you provide opportunities to learn about empathy, emotion management, and problem solving.

As a parent you have power: power to influence, model, and listen, and power to connect with and love each of your children. By using your power in positive and thoughtful ways, you can provide a measure of protection for your children.

Making and Keeping Friends Is More Than Child's Play

Research shows that childhood friendships are important indicators of future success and social adjustment. Children’s relationships with peers strongly influence their success in school, and children with fewer friends are more at risk of dropping out of school, becoming depressed and other problems. Parents who support healthy peer relationships help their children develop important skills for life.



By Natalie Walker Whitlock

When 6-year-old Rachel returned to school on a recent Monday morning, her eyes immediately scanned the playground for her friend Abbie. Though they were only separated by a weekend, the girls “Ran right into each other’s arms and hugged,” recalls Rachel’s mother Kathryn Willis of Gilbert. “It was like it was a scene from a movie.”




Most parents instinctively know that having friends is good for their child. Yet recent research sheds new light on the importance of friends. Experts agree that a positive, caring friendship helps children achieve better in school, have better self-esteem, and reduces the risks for emotional and physical problems. Childhood friendship has proven to be an important indicator of future success in school, at work and in future relationships. It seems friendship is not simply child's play, but a powerful predictor of social adjustment throughout life. 

A Skill for Life

According to Dr. Robbie Adler-Tapia, psychologist with the Center for Children's Health & Life Development at the East Valley Family Resource Center, “Childhood friendships serve as a very important training ground for adulthood. They are preparation for the workplace, and for other relationships, including marriage.”

 

Adler-Tapia, who often works with children from the foster system and Child Protective Services, also says, “Having friends is terribly important. The belief that there is somebody else who cares about you in this world can sustain kids through even the most horrific of circumstances.”  

In a report compiled for the U.S. Department of Education’s Educational Resources Information Center (ERIC) titled Having Friends, Making Friends and Keeping Friends, researcher William Hartup states, “Peer relations contribute substantially to both social and cognitive development and to the effectiveness with which we function as adults.” Hartup concludes that the single best childhood predictor of adult social adaptation is not school grades or classroom behavior, but rather, how well a child gets along with other children.

Just as being able to make and keep friends is beneficial to kids, so is the lack of friends detrimental, according to the work of Arizona State University professor of developmental psychology Gary Ladd. For approximately seven years, Ladd has directed the Pathways Project, a long-term study of 400 children followed from kindergarten though junior high school, sponsored by the National Institutes of Health. The project's results so far indicate that a child's relationships with peers greatly influence his or her success in school, perhaps more than other more “obvious” factors, such as intellectual aptitude, economic status or family background. The children who had fewer friends were at a greater risk for a host of troubles, from dropping out of school to juvenile delinquency to mental health problems. 

Good Friendships Don't Just Happen

Experts agree that the key is for children to establish high-quality friendships. But, researchers warn, these friendships don't necessarily just happen. Often, a good friendship begins with involved parents.Studies show a positive correlation between parental involvement and successful peer relationships.

Ladd's Pathway's Project found that while some parents took a hands-off approach, other families actively nurtured their children’s social skills even before they began kindergarten. By inviting friends over; talking with children about fairness, sharing and compromise; and intervening and helping children work through problems, parents in these families acted as social skills mentors.  

“In these ways, parents were, in fact, teaching social competence – how to make and maintain a friendship with another child,” Ladd says.

While Adler-Tapia acknowledges that accommodating children's friendships may be difficult for parents trying to juggle competing responsibilities, the effort is worth it.  “As hard as it is to provide opportunities for children to socialize, it's very important we carve out a little time for friendship,” she says. 

Valley psychologist Dr. Lynne Kenney Markan, who runs social skills training groups for children and teens at the Melmed Center in Scottsdale, believes kids should be taught social skills in much the same way they are taught math and reading. Despite the proven importance of friendship, she says, “Nobody teaches us how to make and keep friends.”

According to Markan, while social skills may come readily for some children, others require more parental support and guidance. She advises parents who feel that their child is having trouble making or keeping friends to try to objectively evaluate the cause. Is the child too aggressive or overly shy? Markan points out that sometimes, however, difficulties with peers are due to a child's “good” qualities, such as sensitivity (which may be perceived as a weakness by other children) or academic success, not from a lack of social skills.  

Markan suggests parents help children practice better ways of establishing and maintaining friendships from the time they are toddlers. “Most children regard making friends as something that just happens, instead of regarding it as something they can be in charge of and do skillfully,” she says. “Let your child know that friendship skills can be worked on just like academic or athletic skills.”

Just One Friend

Often, parents' feelings about their own past experiences with peers spill over into concern for their children's relationships. Parents may wish their child had more friends or was perceived as “popular” by their peers.  

Yet, according to Cynthia Erdley and Douglas Nangle, University of Maine psychologists and co-editors of the book The Role of Friendship in Psychological Adjustment, even one good friend can stave off childhood loneliness and depression, even if the child is not part of the “in” crowd. The experience of having a single friend to confide in can promote feelings of trust and acceptance and bridge the gap between loneliness and belonging.

“Some kids thrive on being part of a big group, while others only need one or two significant friends to be happy,” Adler-Tapia says.  

Warning signs that children may lack sufficient friendships include an absence of incoming calls or invitations from peers, being unable to name specific close friends, hanging out with kids who are significantly older or younger, or if your child is upset by his or her lack of friends. Adler-Tapia adds that spending too much time alone – such as watching television, playing video games or spending time on the computer – should be a red flag for parents.

However, “remember, some children gain energy from social situations. Others need to be alone to re-energize,” she points out. “Neither is better than the other.” 

Bad Company

Many parents worry about the quality as well as the quantity of their child's friendships. Often, a child's idea of what constitutes a “good” friend isn't the same as his or her parents’. A Glendale mother of two discovered this when her 7-year-old daughter began having difficulties with a playmate.

“When she was in 1st grade, her supposed ‘best friend’ began calling her names and threatening to hurt her,” says Mindy Miller. “(My daughter) wasn't allowed to talk to or even look at other girls in her class. It really crushed her spirit.” Miller tried what many parents would have in her situation. “I told my daughter she didn't need a ‘friend’ like that.”  

However, while such a tactic may be well-intentioned, experts advise against telling a child point-blank that his friend would make a better ex-friend. Parental criticism of friends may backfire and inadvertently solidify a friendship that would have otherwise been a passing attraction.

“You can teach your child the skills and competencies to make wise friend choices without hitting them over the head with it,” says Markan. “Try sprinkling it throughout the day, rather than sitting them down and saying, ‘We're going to talk about your friends today.’” Instead of disapproving of a friend directly, Markan suggests taking a less threatening approach by talking about the problem as if it is your own, or a sibling’s.  

In Miller's case, it simply wasn't enough to tell her daughter her “friend” wasn't acting very friendly. Her daughter needed some parental coaching to help her through a difficult social situation.

“We did some role playing. I played her friend and let my daughter show me how she would react if I was mean to her,” Miller says. “At first her answers were very weak. Now she’s learning to stick up for herself, to say ‘Stop that’ or ‘I don’t like it when you talk to me like that.’”  

Both Adler-Tapia and Markan support role playing as a good way to help children practice tricky social skills, such as meeting new friends or standing up for themselves against bossing or bulling. Adds Markan, “If your child has already practiced coping with a difficult social situation it will be easier to call upon that skill when real life calls for it.”

Actions Speak Louder

Friendship can be one of life’s most rewarding experiences. For children, it’s also necessary for healthy social, emotional and cognitive development. Research shows that children with friends have a greater sense of well-being, better self-esteem and fewer social problems than children without friends. On the other hand, a child without friends is more likely to feel lonely, to be victimized by peers or even to engage in deviant behaviors throughout his lifetime. 

With so much riding on your child's friendships – or lack of them – parents are wise to support and encourage healthy peer relationships. “I’ll bend over backwards to help my son get together with a friend I think is good for him,” Adler-Tapia says. “I don't look at it as manipulation, just positive parental involvement.”

As with so many parenting issues, sometimes the best teacher is the example you set in your daily interactions with others. When parents model positive friendship behaviors such as kindness, thoughtfulness, cooperation and problem-solving skills, as well as demonstrate that they enjoy and benefit from their own friendships, children learn first-hand what friendship is all about.

The Cruelty Crisis: Bullying Isn't a School Problem, It's a National Pastime

Exclusion, humiliation, gossiping, name-calling, and cutthroat alliances - we can't get enough! We panic when these behaviors are directed at our own children and we express outrage when the consequences turn deadly, but over the past few years we, the adults, have turned cruelty into entertainment and sport.
According to the Nielsen ratings, reality television topped the "most watched TV" list in 2010 and analysts expect the trend to continue. From the Real Housewives of Orange County to the Jersey Shore, reality TV draws audiences by delivering performances that mirror the exact behaviors that we define as bullying. We tune in to watch hostile confrontations, belittling, collusion, backstabbing, and public ridicule. We're drawn in by the promise of mean-spiritedness and we're seduced by the idea that we get to watch people's most intimate and private moments made public. Sound painfully familiar?

Gossiping, one of the most glamorized behaviors on TV and a popular weapon in the bully arsenal, is another behavior that falls into the "do as we say, not as we do" category. As adults, how many times have we stood around with a group of friends or colleagues and criticized or made fun of someone? It happens every day in carpool lines, in the back of churches, in front yards, and around the water cooler. We wonder why the awkward first grader is being excluded from birthday parties when the first grade mom clique is constantly whispering about his weird mother and would never consider inviting her to coffee.

When it comes to managing conflict and difference, we're not exactly modeling the behaviors that we want to see in our children. Whether it's politics, religion, or social issues, the more uncertain we feel, the more certain we act. Finger pointing, screaming, and in-your-face personal attacks have replaced respectful and necessary debate and discourse. We see this everywhere from political talk shows and school meetings, to the sidelines of kids' soccer games. I've heard people define bullying as "angry, aggressive acting out in children." I would argue that a lot of bullying is simply kids acting like aggressive parents acting out and behaving like angry children.

Over the past ten years we've witnessed a profoundly dangerous pattern of behavior emerge in our culture. As our fear, uncertainty, and feelings of vulnerability increase, cruelty becomes an acceptable way for us to discharge our pain and discomfort. Rather than doing the difficult work of embracing our own vulnerabilities and imperfections, we expose, attack, or ridicule what is vulnerable and imperfect about others.

In our culture, vulnerability is synonymous with weakness, and imperfect means inadequate. Rather than acknowledging that we are all vulnerable and imperfect, we buy into the painful idea that we are less than; that we aren't worthy of belonging. It is the struggle for worthiness and belonging that leads to bullying.
Belonging is the innate human need to be a part of something larger than us; we are hardwired for it. Cruelty is a predictable outcome in a culture that tells us that invulnerability and perfection are prerequisites for belonging. We are never more dangerous than when we are backed into a corner of never __________ enough (good/ rich/ thin /successful/ admired/ certain/ extraordinary/ safe/ in control/ powerful/ etc.).
In a world that is plagued by war, economic hardship, and pervasive self-doubt, we rage and humiliate to alleviate our own misery. It's simply easier to attack and berate others or watch it happen on TV, than it is to risk having honest conversations about our struggles with worthiness. Why lean into our own feelings of scarcity and shame, when we can watch strangers get booed off stage or voted off the island? It feels good to watch others suffer.

If we want to reclaim courage and compassion in our families, schools, organizations, and communities, we must open our hearts and minds to a new way of thinking about vulnerability and imperfection. Our imperfections are not flaws; they are what connect us to each other and to our humanity. Vulnerability may be at the core of fear and uncertainty, but it is also the birthplace of courage and compassion - exactly what we need to help us stop lashing out and start engaging with the world from a place of worthiness; a place where empathy and kindness matter.

Whether we are a sweaty-palmed 7th grader navigating a hostile cafeteria, or a laid-off worker trying to make a mortgage payment, or a young mother waiting for mammogram results, feeling vulnerable, imperfect and afraid is human. It is when we lose our capacity to hold space for these struggles that we become dangerous. We can legislate behavior all day long, but true compassion comes from a tender and vulnerable place where we understand how inextricably connected we are.

Courage and compassion are not ideals; they are daily practices. The TV shows that we allow in our homes, the way we discuss politics and social issues, the way we handle altercations at the grocery story - these are choices with real consequences. Bullying is a serious problem in schools, but we are all accountable for the cruelty crisis that is fueling these behaviors. The answer to the bullying problem starts with this question: Do we have the courage to be the adults that our children need us to be?


Copyright Brené Brown.

Empathy

Teaching Empathy

Four Steps To Help Parents Reduce Holiday Stress

The holidays are coming up, and although many parents look forward
to having their children home from school, they also find that after a few
days it isn’t so easy having the kids underfoot all the time. The youngsters are all excited about Christmas, they start fighting more often, and when they’re not doing that they complain to their parents that they’re bored. The Christmas holidays are one of those odd times that combine a lot of fun with a lot of stress. It isn’t easy having the children right on top of you again, especially when they’re all pumped up about the presents they’re going to get and can’t seem to leave one another alone. Here are a few ideas for maintaining sanity during these both enjoyable and difficult times.

1. Help Kids Plan or Structure Part of Each Day

With school‐age kids, help them plan or structure part of each day, then let the youngsters figure out what they are going to do to entertain themselves for therest of that day. Do not fall into the trap of seeing yourself as the resident entertainment committee! You might help Emily by allowing her to have a friend over to eat dinner, watch a video and then sleep overnight. The rest of the day your daughter decides for herself what she’ll do. Or you might take Ryan out to lunch and then to a movie, but the rest of the day he entertains himself.

2. Be Clear About the Rules From the Start

Make the above rules clear as soon as the vacation starts, so when the kids
come up to you and say, “There’s nothing to do,” you can reply, “You and I will be going out at 4, but in the meantime I’m sure you can think of something.” Above all, don’t keep making suggestion after suggestion after suggestion, only to have a child shoot down each idea as soon as it’s out of your mouth. Making a lot of suggestions to your children for what they can do implies that you are responsible for their keeping busy and feeling entertained.

3. Plan Lots of One‐on‐One Fun

Plan lots of activities one on one with your children. Just you and one child―no spouse or siblings. Not only does this eliminate the fighting, it offers the opportunity for real closeness and bonding. Most parents find that it’s a lot easier to have fun when it’s just you and one child, rather than the whole family together. This may sound funny, but family fun is overrated! Kids love having a parent all to themselves, and under these circumstances each youngster is usually much easier to get along with.

4. Avoid Feeling Guilty
Don’t feel guilty if―two days before December 25―you find yourself wishing the kids were back in school already. You have lots of company! It’s not easy having a lot of wound‐up little ones chasing each other around the house.

Does My Child Need Therapy?

Sometimes kids, like adults, can benefit from therapy. Therapy can help kids develop problem-solving skills and also teach them the value of seeking help. Therapists can help kids and families cope with stress and a variety of emotional and behavioral issues. Many kids need help dealing with school stress, such as homework, test anxiety, bullying, or peer pressure. Others need help to discuss their feelings about family issues, particularly if there's a major transition, such as a divorce, move, or serious illness.

Should My Child See a Therapist?
Significant life events — such as the death of a family member, friend, or pet; divorce or a move; abuse; trauma; a parent leaving on military deployment; or a major illness in the family — can cause stress that might lead to problems with behavior, mood, sleep, appetite, and academic or social functioning. In some cases, it's not as clear what's caused a child to suddenly seem withdrawn, worried, stress, sulky, or tearful. But if you feel your child might have an emotional or behavioral problem or needs help coping with a difficult life event, trust your instincts.

Signs that a child may benefit from seeing a psychologist or licensed therapist include:
•developmental delay in speech, language, or toilet training
•learning or attention problems (such as ADHD)
•behavioral problems (such as excessive anger, acting out, bedwetting or eating disorders)
•a significant drop in grades, particularly if your child normally maintains high grades
•episodes of sadness, tearfulness, or depression
•social withdrawal or isolation
•being the victim of bullying or bullying other children
•decreased interest in previously enjoyed activities
•overly aggressive behavior (such as biting, kicking, or hitting)
•sudden changes in appetite (particularly in adolescents)
•insomnia or increased sleepiness
•excessive school absenteeism or tardiness
•mood swings (e.g., happy one minute, upset the next)
•development of or an increase in physical complaints (such as headache, stomachache, or not feeling well) despite a normal physical exam by your doctor
•management of a serious, acute, or chronic illness
•signs of alcohol, drug, or other substance use (such as solvents or prescription drug abuse)
•problems in transitions (following separation, divorce, or relocation)
•bereavement issues
•custody evaluations
•therapy following sexual, physical, or emotional abuse or other traumatic events

Kids who aren't yet school-age could benefit from seeing a developmental or clinical psychologist if there's a significant delay in achieving developmental milestones such as walking, talking, and potty training, and if there are concerns regarding autism or other developmental disorders.

Talk to Caregivers, Teachers, and the Doctor
It's also helpful to speak to caregivers and teachers who interact regularly with your child. Is your child paying attention in class and turning in assignments on time? What's his or her behavior like at recess and with peers? Gather as much information as possible to determine the best course of action.Discuss your concerns with your child's doctor, who can offer perspective and evaluate your child to rule out any medical conditions that could be having an effect. The doctor also may be able to refer you to a qualified therapist for the help your child needs.

Finding the Right Therapist
How do you find a qualified clinician who has experience working with kids and teens? While experience and education are important, it's also important to find a counselor your child feels comfortable talking to. Look for one who not only has the right experience, but also the best approach to help your child in the current circumstances.
Your doctor can be a good source of a referral. Most doctors have working relationships with mental health specialists such as child psychologists or clinical social workers. Friends, colleagues, or family members might also be able to recommend someone.
Consider a number of factors when searching for the right therapist for your child. A good first step is to ask if the therapist is willing to meet with you for a brief consultation or to talk with you during a phone interview before you commit to regular visits. Not all therapists are able to do this, given their busy schedules. Most therapists charge a fee for this type of service; others consider it a complimentary visit.


Consider the following factors when evaluating a potential therapist:
Is the therapist licensed to practice in your state? (You can check with the state board for that profession or check to see if the license is displayed in the office.)Is the therapist covered by your health insurance plan's mental health benefits? If so, how many sessions are covered by your plan? What will your co-pay be?What are his or her credentials?What type of experience does the therapist have?How long has the therapist worked with children and adolescents?Would your child find the therapist friendly?What is the cancellation policy if you're unable to keep an appointment?Is the therapist available by phone during an emergency?Who will be available to your child during the therapist's vacation or illness or during off-hours?What types of therapy does the therapist specialize in?Is the therapist willing to meet with you in addition to working with your child?The right therapist-client match is critical, so you might need to meet with a few before you find one who clicks with both you and your child.
As with other medical professionals, therapists may have a variety of credentials and specific degrees. As a general rule, your child's therapist should hold a professional degree in the field of mental health (psychology, social work, or psychiatry) and be licensed by your state. Psychologists, social workers, and psychiatrists all diagnose and treat mental health disorders.
It's also a good idea to know what those letters that follow a therapist's name mean:
PsychiatristsPsychiatrists (MDs or DOs) are medical doctors who have advanced training and experience in psychotherapy and pharmacology. They can also prescribe medications.
Clinical Psychologists(PhDs, PsyDs, or EdDs) are therapists who have a doctorate degree that includes advanced training in the practice of psychology, and many specialize in treating children and teens and their families. Psychologists may help clients manage medications but do not prescribe medication.
Clinical Social Workers
A licensed clinical social worker (LCSW) has a master's degree, specializes in clinical social work, and is licensed in the state in which he or she practices. An LICSW is also a licensed clinical social worker. A CSW is a certified social worker. Many social workers are trained in psychotherapy, but the credentials vary from state to state. Likewise, the designations (i.e., LCSW, LICSW, CSW) can vary from state to state.

Different Types of Therapy
There are many types of therapy. Therapists choose the strategies that are most appropriate for a particular problem and for the individual child and family. Therapists will often spend a portion of each session with the parents alone, with the child alone, and with the family together.
Any one therapist may use a variety of strategies, including:
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)This type of therapy is often helpful with kids and teens who are depressed, anxious, or having problems coping with stress.
Cognitive behavioral therapy restructures negative thoughts into more positive, effective ways of thinking. It can include work on stress management strategies, relaxation training, practicing coping skills, and other forms of treatment.
Psychoanalytic therapy is less commonly used with children but can be used with older kids and teens who may benefit from more in-depth analysis of their problems. This is the quintessential "talk therapy" and does not focus on short-term problem-solving in the same way as CBT and behavioral therapies.
In some cases, kids benefit from individual therapy, one-on-one work with the therapist on issues they need guidance on, such as depression, social difficulties, or worry. In other cases, the right option is group therapy, where kids meet in groups of 6 to 12 to solve problems and learn new skills (such as social skills or anger management).
Family therapy can be helpful in many cases, such as when family members aren't getting along; disagree or argue often; or when a child or teen is having behavior problems. Family therapy involves counseling sessions with some, or all, family members, helping to improve communication skills among them. Treatment focuses on problem-solving techniques and can help parents re-establish their role as authority figures.

Preparing for the First Visit
You may be concerned that your child will become upset when told of an upcoming visit with a therapist. Although this is sometimes the case, it's essential to be honest about the session and why your child (or family) will be going. The issue will come up during the session, but it's important for you to prepare your child for it.
Explain to young kids that this type of visit to the doctor doesn't involve a physical exam or shots. You may also want to stress that this type of doctor talks and plays with kids and families to help them solve problems and feel better. Kids might feel reassured to learn that the therapist will be helping the parents and other family members too.
Older kids and teens may be reassured to hear that anything they say to the therapist is confidential and cannot be shared with anyone else, including parents or other doctors, without their permission — the exception is if they indicate that they're having thoughts of suicide or otherwise hurting themselves or others.
Giving kids this kind of information before the first appointment can help set the tone, prevent your child from feeling singled out or isolated, and provide reassurance that the family will be working together on the problem.

Providing Additional Support
While your child copes with emotional issues, be there to listen and care, and offer support without judgment. Patience is critical, too, as many young children are unable to verbalize their fears and emotions.
Try to set aside some time to discuss your child's worries or concerns. To minimize distractions, turn off the TV and let voice mail answer your phone calls. This will let your child know that he or she is your first priority.

Other ways to communicate openly and problem-solve include:
Talk openly and as frequently with your child as you can.Show love and affection to your child, especially during troubled times.Set a good example by taking care of your own physical and emotional needs.Enlist the support of your partner, immediate family members, your child's doctor, and teachers.Improve communication at home by having family meetings that end with a fun activity (e.g., playing a game, making ice-cream sundaes).No matter how hard it is, set limits on inappropriate or problematic behaviors. Ask the therapist for some strategies to encourage your child's cooperation.Communicate frequently with the therapist.Be open to all types of feedback from your child and from the therapist.Respect the relationship between your child and the therapist. If you feel threatened by it, discuss this with the therapist (it's nothing to be embarrassed about).Enjoy favorite activities or hobbies with your child.By recognizing problems and seeking help early on, you can help your child — and your entire family — move through the tough times toward happier, healthier times ahead.