Most kids generate a little chaos and disorganization. Yours might flit from one thing to the next — forgetting books at school, leaving towels on the floor, and failing to finish projects once started. You'd like them to be more organized and to stay focused on tasks, such as homework. Is it possible?
Yes, it is. A few kids seem naturally organized, but for the rest, organization is a skill learned over time. With help and some practice, kids can develop an effective approach to getting stuff done. And you're the perfect person to teach your child, even if you don't feel all that organized yourself!
Easy as 1-2-3
For kids, all tasks can be broken down into a 1-2-3 process.
1. Getting organized means a kid gets where he or she needs to be and gathers the supplies needed to complete the task.
2.Staying focused means sticking with the task and learning to say "no" to distractions.
3.Getting it done means finishing up, checking your work, and putting on the finishing touches, like remembering to put a homework paper in the right folder and putting the folder inside the backpack so it's ready for the next day.
Once kids know these steps — and how to apply them — they can start tackling tasks more independently. That means homework, chores, and other tasks will get done with increasing consistency and efficiency. Of course, kids will still need parental help and guidance, but you probably won't have to nag as much.
Not only is it practical to teach these skills, but knowing how to get stuff done will help your child feel more competent and effective. Kids feel self-confident and proud when they're able to accomplish their tasks and responsibilities. They're also sure to be pleased when they find they have some extra free time to do what they'd like to do
From Teeth Brushing to Book Reports
To get started, introduce the 1-2-3 method and help your child practice it in daily life. Even something as simple as brushing teeth requires this approach, so you might use this example when introducing the concept:
Getting organized: Go to the bathroom and get out your toothbrush and toothpaste. Turn on the water.
Staying focused: Dentists say to brush for 3 minutes, so that means keep brushing, even if you hear a really good song on the radio or you remember that you wanted to call your friend. Concentrate and remember what the dentist told you about brushing away from your gums.
Getting it done: If you do steps 1 and 2, step 3 almost takes care of itself. Hurray, your 3 minutes are up and your teeth are clean! Getting it done means finishing up and putting on the finishing touches. With teeth brushing, that would be stuff like turning off the water, putting away the toothbrush and paste, and making sure there's no toothpaste foam on your face!
With a more complex task, like completing a book report, the steps would become more involved, but the basic elements remain the same.
Here's how you might walk your child through the steps:
1. Getting Organized:
Explain that this step is all about getting ready. It's about figuring out what kids need to do and gathering any necessary items.For instance: "So you have a book report to write. What do you need to do to get started?" Help your child make a list of things like: Choose a book. Make sure the book is OK with the teacher. Write down the book and the author's name. Check the book out of the library. Mark the due date on a calendar.
Then help your child think of the supplies needed: The book, some note cards, a pen for taking notes, the teacher's list of questions to answer, and a report cover. Have your child gather the supplies where the work will take place.
As the project progresses, show your child how to use the list to check off what's already done and get ready for what's next. Demonstrate how to add to the list, too. Coach your child to think, "OK, I did these things. Now, what's next? Oh yeah, start reading the book" and to add things to the list like finish the book, read over my teacher's directions, start writing the report.
2. Staying Focused:
Explain that this part is about doing it and sticking with the job. Tell kids this means doing what you're supposed to do, following what's on the list, and sticking with it.
It also means focusing when there's something else your child would rather be doing — the hardest part of all! Help kids learn how to handle and resist these inevitable temptations. While working on the report, a competing idea might pop into your child's head: "I feel like shooting some hoops now." Teach kids to challenge that impulse by asking themselves "Is that what I'm supposed to be doing?"
Explain that a tiny break to stretch a little and then get right back to the task at hand is OK. Then kids can make a plan to shoot hoops after the work is done. Let them know that staying focused is tough sometimes, but it gets easier with practice.
3. Getting it Done:
Explain that this is the part when kids will be finishing up the job. Talk about things like copying work neatly and asking a parent to read it over to help find any mistakes. Coach your child to take those important final steps: putting his or her name on the report, placing it in a report cover, putting the report in the correct school folder, and putting the folder in the backpack so it's ready to be turned in.
How to Start
Here are some tips on how to begin teaching the 1-2-3 process:
Introduce the Idea
Start the conversation by using the examples above and show your child the kids' article Organize, Focus, Get It Done. Read it together and ask for reactions. Will it be easy or hard? Is he or she already doing some of it? Is there something he or she would like to get better at?
Go for Some Buy-In
Brainstorm about what might be easier or better if your child was more organized and focused. Maybe homework would get done faster, there would be more play time, and there would be less nagging about chores. Then there's the added bonus of your child feeling proud and you being proud, too.
Set Expectations
Be clear, in a kind way, that you expect your kids to work on these skills and that you'll be there to help along the way.
Make a Plan
Decide on one thing to focus on first. You can come up with three things and let your child choose one. Or if homework or a particular chore has been a problem, that's the natural place to begin.
Get Comfortable in Your Role
For the best results, you'll want to be a low-key coach. You can ask questions that will help kids get on track and stay there. But use these questions to prompt their thought process about what needs to be done. Praise progress, but don't go overboard. The self-satisfaction kids will feel will be a more powerful motivator. Also, be sure to ask your child's opinion of how things are going so far.
Things to Remember
It will take time to teach kids how to break down tasks into steps. It also will take time for them to learn how to apply these skills to what needs to be done. Sometimes, it will seem simpler just to do it for them. It certainly would take less time. But the trouble is that kids don't learn how to be independent and successful if their parents swoop in every time a situation is challenging or complex.
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
YOUR CHILD’S SELF-ESTEEM:
ARE YOU HELPING OR HURTING?
What does it take to raise competent, good‐natured children who can feel a
healthy respect for themselves? Research has shown over and over that good parenting involves two basic components. One will not surprise you, but the other one may catch you off guard.
We are very aware today that children are born with different personalities and temperaments that are not created by their parents. Nevertheless, parents do make a big difference, and here in the United States we need to get back on track regarding what children’s self‐esteem is really all about.
What are the two parenting ingredients that make for good self‐esteem? First, good parents are warm and sensitive to a child’s needs. They understand their child’s positive as well as negative feelings. They are
comforting in times of crisis and pain, as well as appreciative in times of triumph and accomplishment. They are supportive of a child’s individuality and encourage his or her growing independence.” That’s no big news flash.
GOOD PARENTS ARE ALSO DEMANDING
What we often overlook, though, is that good parents are also demanding. They clearly communicate high―but not unrealistic―expectations for their children’s behavior. Good behavior and achievements are appreciated and reinforced when they occur. When the kids act up, on the other hand, Mom and Dad respond with firm limits, but not with fits of temper or righteous indignation. After a child makes a mistake, the parents’ message is, ‘I’m sure you’ll do better next time.’” Parents whose child‐rearing philosophy involves both warmth and “demandingness” tend to produce competent children. There are of course no guarantees, but their kids will have a better chance of becoming more self‐reliant, self‐controlled and happier.
They will have a better chance of being accepted and well liked by their peers, and of having a sense of belonging.
Sometimes, though, parents have blinders on. We’re so busy, we don’t have time―or take the time―to do some of the things that will really foster self‐esteem. Such as what? Such as helping our children develop social skills and academic and physical competence.Your kids’ selfesteem is ultimately going to be earned or not earned in the real world―not in a fantasy world.
KIDS DO BETTER WHEN THEY LEARN BOUNDARIES
The demanding part of the parenting equation implies not only that parents ask more of their kids, but also that parents ask more of themselves. We often follow the misguided belief that self‐esteem and creativity are both higher when children can ‘do their own thing’ and when they are not exposed to external limits imposed by adults. On the contrary, kids feel better about themselves and perform better, creatively and otherwise, when they learn the boundaries for reasonable behavior. The world has all kinds of limits and rules, and parents are the ones who introduce children to life’s boundaries. “How parents establish rules and set limits―or fail to set limits―has a tremendous effect on the self‐esteem of a child. Your kids may not like all the rules and regulations you must teach them, but if they don’t recognize and work within these constraints, they will get hurt badly.
However, not all self‐esteem building strategies involve unpleasant or hard work. One of the best “tactics” for encouraging healthy self‐respect in children is fun. We need to take time with our kids. Keep in mind that one‐on‐one time having fun together is one of the most potent self‐esteem builders. That’s one parent with one child. Kids really like having a parent all to themselves.
ELEMENTS OF HEALTHY SELF-ESTEEM
Healthy self‐esteem is based on four elements:
1. Good relationships with other people
2. Competence in work and self‐management
3. Physical skills and caring for one’s body
4. Character: courage, effort, following the rules
and concern for others
ARE YOU HELPING OR HURTING?
What does it take to raise competent, good‐natured children who can feel a
healthy respect for themselves? Research has shown over and over that good parenting involves two basic components. One will not surprise you, but the other one may catch you off guard.
We are very aware today that children are born with different personalities and temperaments that are not created by their parents. Nevertheless, parents do make a big difference, and here in the United States we need to get back on track regarding what children’s self‐esteem is really all about.
What are the two parenting ingredients that make for good self‐esteem? First, good parents are warm and sensitive to a child’s needs. They understand their child’s positive as well as negative feelings. They are
comforting in times of crisis and pain, as well as appreciative in times of triumph and accomplishment. They are supportive of a child’s individuality and encourage his or her growing independence.” That’s no big news flash.
GOOD PARENTS ARE ALSO DEMANDING
What we often overlook, though, is that good parents are also demanding. They clearly communicate high―but not unrealistic―expectations for their children’s behavior. Good behavior and achievements are appreciated and reinforced when they occur. When the kids act up, on the other hand, Mom and Dad respond with firm limits, but not with fits of temper or righteous indignation. After a child makes a mistake, the parents’ message is, ‘I’m sure you’ll do better next time.’” Parents whose child‐rearing philosophy involves both warmth and “demandingness” tend to produce competent children. There are of course no guarantees, but their kids will have a better chance of becoming more self‐reliant, self‐controlled and happier.
They will have a better chance of being accepted and well liked by their peers, and of having a sense of belonging.
Sometimes, though, parents have blinders on. We’re so busy, we don’t have time―or take the time―to do some of the things that will really foster self‐esteem. Such as what? Such as helping our children develop social skills and academic and physical competence.Your kids’ selfesteem is ultimately going to be earned or not earned in the real world―not in a fantasy world.
KIDS DO BETTER WHEN THEY LEARN BOUNDARIES
The demanding part of the parenting equation implies not only that parents ask more of their kids, but also that parents ask more of themselves. We often follow the misguided belief that self‐esteem and creativity are both higher when children can ‘do their own thing’ and when they are not exposed to external limits imposed by adults. On the contrary, kids feel better about themselves and perform better, creatively and otherwise, when they learn the boundaries for reasonable behavior. The world has all kinds of limits and rules, and parents are the ones who introduce children to life’s boundaries. “How parents establish rules and set limits―or fail to set limits―has a tremendous effect on the self‐esteem of a child. Your kids may not like all the rules and regulations you must teach them, but if they don’t recognize and work within these constraints, they will get hurt badly.
However, not all self‐esteem building strategies involve unpleasant or hard work. One of the best “tactics” for encouraging healthy self‐respect in children is fun. We need to take time with our kids. Keep in mind that one‐on‐one time having fun together is one of the most potent self‐esteem builders. That’s one parent with one child. Kids really like having a parent all to themselves.
ELEMENTS OF HEALTHY SELF-ESTEEM
Healthy self‐esteem is based on four elements:
1. Good relationships with other people
2. Competence in work and self‐management
3. Physical skills and caring for one’s body
4. Character: courage, effort, following the rules
and concern for others
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